I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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