i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i believe in u and ur pee
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
