I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
