her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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