Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
