just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
