my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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