Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
