i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
