The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
