you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
