from now on my penis is your penis
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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