Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
