drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
