Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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