I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
