Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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