I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
