My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
