In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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