I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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