so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
