you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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