That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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