Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
