I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
