You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
