I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
