do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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