if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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