is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
