He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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