You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
