Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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