Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
