So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
do herpes really smell.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
