The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
