Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
