so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
