If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
This house was built for laser tag.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
