So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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