Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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