I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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