I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
