The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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