i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
