so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
