I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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