We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
