Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
